Top 10 Phrases at Work: November 19, 2012

This is a list assembled from a scientific poll of 2 million “knowledge workers” conducted via the Information Super Highway.   On November 19, 2012, these were the top 10 phrases uttered in a business setting:

  1. “Is that me or you?”
  2. “Why don’t you try closing some apps?”
  3. “How many people in the office are using Spotify right now, WTF?”
  4. “It isn’t me, I’m on a wired connection.”
  5. “I think it’s you, I just had a great conversation without any of these problems.”
  6. “Maybe we should try Google+?   Are you on Google+?”
  7. “How the hell do I start a Hangout?”
  8. “Do I have to be in this meeting?”
  9. “Can you just call my cell?”
  10. “Ok, my cell signal is very spotty.  Can we move this meeting to email?”
  11. “Do they really want me to fax this to them?”
  12. “Do you know if we even have a Fax machine?”
  13. “Do you have a second, I need someone to show me how to use the Fax machine?”

And, my favorite:

14. “What timezone did you schedule this meeting in?”

Super Fun Time at O’Hare (or You don’t understand, it’s a tall thing…)

I have odd traveling habits that I’ve explored in previous posts.  For those of you unfamiliar, I’ll summarize as succinctly as possible: I hate air travel. Every time I travel, it is as if the world conspires to provide me with more evidence that I’m on to something – that air travel hates me back.

Last night it was no different as I attempted to make my way from Chicago to Antwerp for a Java conference – Devoxx ’12.   In this story, I fight for my Irish heritage, I stand up for tall people, and I witness legal drama up close and personal.   All without ever leaving Chicago.

First, it was the cab ride.   Every cab I take from Evanston to O’Hare has the same properties:  1. It smells awful, just awful, I don’t even want to think about what it smells like, 2. The cab is full religious talismans and mystic amulets as if the driver relies more on prayer than on regular automotive maintenance, 3. The driver consistently takes insane risks (driving 95 mph on the Kennedy or running a train signal), 4. The check engine light is on, always, and 5. The car never really stops at a red light, it glides because the tires are bald.

Right, so flying already “activates me”, I’m already a mess because I’ve been  thinking about how much I hate flying for a few days, and the ride to the airport is statistically two billion trillion times more dangerous.   “Oh, wow, you handled that skid quite well.” or “No, really, slow down, I’m in no rush to get to the airport. Thanks.”   There is an upside, every time I successfully reach the airport, I feel invigorated.  On a rational level I know I just survived the riskiest part of my trip. Continue reading